just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
