standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
