WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize