If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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