Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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