He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
