I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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