So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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