can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
