she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
