Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
