FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
