btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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