Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
