I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
