Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
