i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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