this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
