Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
