I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
