Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
