As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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