remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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