Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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