Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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