ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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