so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
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You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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