Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
