What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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