YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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