Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
