Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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