i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
