we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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