five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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