yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
