I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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