Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
