so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
