can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
