is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
