so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
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I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
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I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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