We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
