You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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