she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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