K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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