Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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