he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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