I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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