i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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