great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
