stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
