I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
