Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
