put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
