How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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