i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Drunk is not a location!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
