Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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