Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
