i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I stole a fireplace last night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
