I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
