All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
