She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my phone needs a breathalizer
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
