I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
