A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
