if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
