Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize