so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
