Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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