im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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