The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
