You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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