I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
