Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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