Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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