the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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